


It's Not Fair

by innogueira



Series: Wherever I go, I’m coming back [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Character Death, Infinity War, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sad Ending, Steve Rogers Dies, They get worse, Things don't get better, it's sad, spoilers?, they end up at the same place, they go back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 22:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14506695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innogueira/pseuds/innogueira
Summary: "...Steve?"“Bucky-”There’s tears, relief, hurt, and Steve finally let's go. His legs buck under him and he’s falling, clutching to his side, but he doesn’t hit the floor."The second fight in Wakanda ends up being worse than the first. Nothing can change destiny this time around.





	It's Not Fair

Of course they end up there.

Time travelling, space traveling, flirting with the possibility that the slightest change outside of what was planned might ruin everything, all for the slim change that they can change the outcome of fate, and they still end up in Wakanda.

It seemed fitting. It was a few feet away that Steve saw Bucky disintegrate into nothingness, into dust. 

Steve wasn’t afraid to admit he had a rough couple of days after the fight. He knew exactly where it happened because he kept coming to the same place, sitting on the warm soil and just staring. Even Steve Rogers breaks down.

It’s not like he expected the contemplation to bring him any insight, any ideal plan that could undo this, but it was comforting. 

Being able to come to the place Bucky died was peaceful. His final place of rest. Steve could see with his own two eyes that it was real. This time he was really gone, no tricks, no knockout super serum bringing him back in the hands of people that wanted to harm him, use him, abuse him.

He never got that the first time. He knew he should have gone after the body, if only to bring it back home, to bury it properly, to actually mourn. But he didn’t, and Bucky suffered and suffered, and-

Steve can’t breathe.

Doing this the second time around doesn’t hurt any less, in fact it’s so much more brutal. They’re fighting with the knowledge of what happened, they’re fighting for everyone that’s gone. They have nothing else to lose, but everything to win. 

Steve’s chest is constricting, he feels like he’s having a asthma attack and his entire body hurts. He remembers the last time his body asked this much of him and he can’t give up, not now, not until he knows the plan worked.

It seemed like such a lackluster plan at first, but they were all dumb enough to pull it off. Again, what did they have to lose? They already lost everything. All these people lost someone who mattered to them. He didn’t have to know them, a talking raccoon, a blue alien with murder in her eyes, but he could feel their pain. He shared it. They all wanted to reverse this, to bring them back, to defeat Thanos. It sounded like a crazy plan, but it could work. 

It would work.

There’s a sharp pain on his left side and Steve reaches for it. Not expecting the jolt that goes through it, he looks down and-

Red.

Blood never bothered Steve, he saw plenty of that, fight after fight, there was blood everywhere. It was the broken edge of an alien sword going through him that bothered him. Adrenaline really was a funny thing. Steve was only hurt until he saw the blade going through him, hitting several organs he’s not sure can heal fast enough if he dares to remove it. And now he’s dying.

“Steve?”

Yes, this is how he goes. Voices from beyond welcoming him, telling him it’s okay, that he can finally rest now. Steve’s ready this time.

He really wished this had worked. Or if it somehow worked out in their favor, that he could have seen it. See everyone that vanished come back and be able to say they won. That this time they won. 

He wished he could see Bucky again. Properly say goodbye this time.

But he wouldn’t be lucky enough. The scenery felt too familiar, they were losing. They were losing and Steve was losing too.

He’ll get to see him, then, he hopes. If whatever God, Devil, Stone, is kind enough. If he just let's go, Bucky’s gonna be right there to hold him. To call him stupid for not staying away from this fight, for following a stupid plan that was bound to fail, to hug him tight enough Steve wouldn’t mind losing this time.

“Bucky-”

There’s tears, relief, hurt, and Steve finally let's go. His legs buck under him and he’s falling, clutching to his side, but he doesn’t hit the floor.

“C’mon, a sword? The dumbass punk I know only goes down with a punch,” Bucky’s slowly lowering him on the warm soil he had vanished into last time this battle happened. His hands are firm, both on his back and holding over the bleeding wound. Steve’s definitely dead.

“I just died, let me be,” he asked tiredly, his fingers reaching for the blade. If he’s dead, it will stop hurting right? There’s no reason for it to hurt this much. 

“It’s like you never fought in a war,” Bucky’s hand is warm as it wraps around Steve’s. He tries to squeeze back, but his fingers barely curl “ You’ll bleed out before we get you to Shuri.”

Shuri? What is the Princess doing in Heaven? Or Hell, Steve figures, the blood isn’t stopping, the wound still hurts. She’s alive, she’s safe in the palace, no one got to her before… unless.

Steve looks up at Bucky, who’s cradling Steve’s body against his chest, and his eyes try their best to focus, but things are blurry, there’s tears, and Steve can barely see straight.

“Steve? Steve!” Bucky’s yelling at him and Steve winces “Stay with me buddy, don’t you dare,” there’s a hand on his cheek and it’s warm, and Steve tries to reach for it but it’s hard, he can’t see, he can’t breathe.

“I’m not dead, am I?” he mumbles out, almost disappointed. Dying would be kinder, but Bucky’s holding him and it doesn’t hurt as much. It could be worse.

“No, you punk, you’re alive and you’re staying that way, c’mon, focus on me,” he can hear Bucky talking to his sleeve, he can feel the distress in his tensed up body, in the way his fingers press harder against his stomach as the blood pours out. He wants to tell him it’s okay, that they won, that Bucky doesn’t need worry.

Instead, he admits “It’s not.. It’s not fair,” even the softest sigh weighs heavy on Steve’s chest, and not even carrying the world on his shoulders was that debilitating. 

It’s not fair that Steve can’t just be. He only wanted to protect his country, to prove he was as good as anyone else, and he never stopped paying for that. 

He thought he lost Bucky, but he found him, battered and different, but he found him. Hydra took him from Steve.

He was gonna end the war, take Peggy dancing, but there was only one way he could stop it. He tipped the nose down and buried himself in the ice.

He woke up in a new century and was pushed into battle once again. Bucky nearly killed him and when he remembered, he ran from Steve. He searched for years.

They were after Bucky for something he didn’t do and Steve rebelled against the world to protect him. Bucky lost an arm and chose to be frozen.

Shuri was able to take the triggers from Bucky’s head, he was recovering, he was happy, and Steve had to see him turn into dust right in front of him.

He’s right there and Steve’s dying.

“I know, I-” he really did know. If there’s anyone in this world that understands him is Bucky. 

“We won, I got you back, I…” Steve closes his eyes and Bucky coaches them open again, and his voice is so soft, it almost makes Steve not open them. “Can we just rest? Just a moment, Buck?”

“As soon as we get you to the palace, we can do whatever you want, pal,” 

“I won’t make it,” and he accepts that. There’s worse ways he could go. He could fall from a mountain, he could freeze, he could crumble into the dirt in a moment “I think this is the end of the line,”

“Shut up. Don’t say that, it’s not the end,” there’s tears in Bucky’s eyes too. At least Steve has never seen them this blue, this striking. It’s like watching wild waves crash into rocks and Steve’s drowning. “Yes, Natalia, it’s me, now get help!” Steve can hear Buck spit into the intercom and he wonders if Bucky understands why Natasha is so surprised to hear his voice.

Bucky doesn’t know that he’s been gone for so long that flowers grew from his burial ground. That Steve carries his ashes around his neck, an ever present reminder that he was doing this for him, for the fallen.

Steve wanted to live in a peaceful world. A world where no one had to die in the name of interests that weren’t their own, a world where people were actually happy, satisfied. He wasn’t sure that was even possible, so he settled with a world where he and Bucky could be happy. Where they could finally live out the years they missed after the war, after Captain America and the Howling Commandos.

He won’t get it, but it’s okay. Buck is back, Sam, T’Challa, the Tree, the trillions of people whose lives were taken from them. They’ll hopefully get to live in that world. Steve won’t be there, but he isn’t needed. It’s selfish reasons that make him want that second chance everyone has been awarded.

No one ever gave Steve that second chance.

“Promise me something,” he coughs and there’s blood dripping to his beard, down his neck, down his wound. There’s blood everywhere.

“As long as you keep your eyes open,” Bucky’s voice is small, gentle, and Steve is 11 again, laying in own sweat as he fights through another fever. Bucky was there too, whispering about all the adventures they were going on as soon as Steve got better. He admitted once that he wasn’t sure Steve was gonna make it that time.

Bucky was different. Even without Hydra’s programming in his head, he was different. He had been different from the moment Steve had found him strapped to a table in Zola’s lab, even if Steve hadn’t notice just how different then. Bucky was different but there were moments Steve felt like the old Bucky slipped through. They were fleeting moments, but this? This was that Bucky. Steve would cry if he wasn’t already.

“Rest. Please, just.. rest. Wakanda, Brooklyn, outer space,” he asked, looking up at Bucky, reaching for the other’s hand with the little strength he had left “Promise me you’ll get the peace and quiet you deserve.”

“I don’t-” Bucky’s voice is pained and it hurts Steve to hear him like that. He never meant to hurt Bucky, he just wanted to give him everything.

“We won. No more fights. Throw the arm away, like I know how much you want to,” Steve musters to quirk up the corner of his lips before wincing in pain “Do it for the both of us. Please.”

“You’ll get to rest, too. Shuri’s almost here, just-” Bucky tries, but there must be something in Steve’s face that makes him hesitate before he nods “Okay,” it’s small, resigned, but Steve takes it as a victory.

He’s 14 again and he won a bet, because of course I’d be able to climb this tree, Buck, now pass on the marbles...and maybe the inhaler “You can’t do anything stupid now, you promised… and I’m taking the rest of the stupid with me,” 

“Punk,” Bucky is chuckling too, and his eyes are wet and sad and so blue.

Steve smiled tiredly, his eyes drooping, his body relaxing under Bucky’s touch. “Jerk..” he let out in a breathe, and it’s hard to open his eyes again, to let air in again, so Steve doesn’t.

The sun on his face is warm, the dirt under him too, and Steve let’s go, knowing Bucky’s going to hold him through.

“...Steve?”

 

 

 

“Steven?”

“Ma?”

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I'm sorry.


End file.
